I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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