9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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