bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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