Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
