I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
