five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
