im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
