The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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