Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
