connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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