I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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