giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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