Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
