So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
