exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
