that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
