Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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