Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Let's get the cat blown out
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
