I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
being pregnant is like rehab
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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