dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
