whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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