Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
