I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
