I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
