it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I understand Curling. That high.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
