I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
