tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
vagina is talking i cant
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
