I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
