he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sorry about my life...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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