Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
