Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need a beard to bite.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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