dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
