I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
