I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
