thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
