Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We need to get me chipped asap
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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