He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
