Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
