my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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