thus making me awesome and them whores
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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