walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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