I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
