Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my shit smells like andre
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hippo gnu deer
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
