New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
