Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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