dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
even my farts smell like vagina
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
