he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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