I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
