Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We have started to decorate penises.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
