where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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