dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
