Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Randomize
