Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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